


Left My Heart Behind

by vix_spes



Series: Christmas Gift!Fics 2013 [19]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies), Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 05:15:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1169119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vix_spes/pseuds/vix_spes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Edmund left Narnia after their journey on the Dawn Treader he left his heart behind, but is all hope lost?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left My Heart Behind

Edmund took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the scent of freshly cut pine and sea air, the scent so familiar to him but yet one that he knew he hadn’t smelt in years. He didn’t know what he had done to be allowed a second chance, to be allowed the opportunity to return to Narnia, but he was more grateful than he could say. When he, Lucy and Eustace had returned home after their adventures on the Dawn Treader, he and Lucy had both been certain that they would never to return to Narnia. He had watched, along with Peter and Lucy, with no little jealousy as Eustace had ventured back into Narnia only to return with tales of all of their old friends.  
  
He supposed that, in the end, it came down to the fact that while his siblings had found a way to live their life without Narnia, he had not. Peter had found it harder than Lucy but then Lucy had always been able to find the joy in everything. Susan had been a lost cause after they had returned from Narnia the second time after helping Caspian defeat his Uncle Miraz, far more interested in fashion and the opposite sex. For Edmund however, he had been unable to move on, to forget Narnia. He flung himself into school, into his studies with vigour in an attempt to distract himself but none of it worked. None of it worked for one reason.  
  
Caspian.  
  
When they had left after Caspian’s coronation, Edmund had been somewhat bemused by Susan kissing Caspian, and had found himself wondering if she would have done it had she known that only that morning Caspian had been sharing kisses with her youngest brother. When they had left Narnia, Edmund had been under no illusions that what he had shared with Caspian was anything in particular. It wasn’t a relationship; he wasn’t even sure that there was a word to describe it. All they had done was share a few kisses and a bit of fumbling immediately prior to and after the battle.  
  
While Edmund had enjoyed the time that they had spent together and would have liked more time with Caspian, he also knew that the likelihood of him returning to Narnia was slim while Caspian was still live not to mention that, as King, Caspian would be expected to marry and bear heirs. The rush of relief that swept through him when he realised when they were back in Narnia and Caspian was still young took him somewhat by surprise in its intensity. And that had been nothing compared to the relief that washed over him when it emerged that Caspian was still single.  
  
This time around, it was even harder to leave Caspian. Despite the quest that they were on, they had more opportunities to steal time away from Eustace and Lucy not to mention the crew. Most of the time they locked themselves away with some seriously flimsy excuses; some of the older crew members had to know what was going on but none of them said anything. Edmund had a period of insecurity when they encountered Ramandu’s daughter because she represented everything that Edmund wasn’t and everything that he couldn’t give Caspian. There was nothing he could do though and he knew that this time, when he left Narnia he would not be able to return and that thought cut into him just as Jadis’ sword had. He supposed that it was for that reason he had been unable to settle back into life in England; he had left his heart behind in Narnia.  
  
Edmund had returned from Narnia just before his sixteenth birthday and had made it until his eighteenth birthday but was still struggling with being back in England and away from Narnia. He went through all of the motions, doing everything that was expected of him; excelling in his exams and even applying to university. He still felt out of place though, as though he were simply going through the motions. Much the same as when they had first returned from Narnina, everything seemed to have lost its lustre and be tarnished somehow only now it was more so. And then something happened. He wasn’t sure how it happened or why but he found he was seeing signs and hints of Narnia everywhere. He didn’t understand how or why but he just knew that he was going to be given the opportunity to return to Narnia. He didn’t know what he was going to find, if Caspian would even still be alive, but that didn’t stop him from making his preparations, saying his farewells to his family.

(~*~)

The moment that he set foot on the golden sands below the towering walls of Cair Paravel, he felt as though he were home. The hope that he had desperately been trying to quell, that Caspian were still alive, soared to life and increased exponentially as he spied a greeting party moving across the sands towards him, familiar faces amongst them. He was surrounded within minutes, an excited assortment of friends and unknowns crowding around him, delighted at the return of King Edmund and telling him how delighted King Caspian would be by his return. At those words, the discovery that Caspian was indeed still alive, Edmund felt the small flicker of hope - that Caspian might still love him - that he had tried so desperately hard to bury, burst into life.

~*~

Edmund startled as arms wrapped around his waist and legs respectively while a kiss was pressed to the skin behind his ear. Reaching a hand down, he carded his fingers through Rilian’s hair, smiling at the soft giggle that it elicited as Rilian pressed his face further into Edmund’s thigh. This time, his return to Narnia had bestowed upon him a ready-made family - one that he would never have to leave. The obstacles that had worried Edmund so much and would have stood in the way of their relationship no longer existed. Caspian had married Ramandu’s daughter, and unfortunately lost to death after she had borne him a son and heir. Not that Edmund would have wished the loss that Caspian and Rilian had suffered on anyone. He couldn’t help but feel guilty that her death had allowed him to get what he wanted most, even though he knew that it wasn’t his fault.  
  
Edmund was pulled out of his thoughts as Rilian grabbed his hand, trying in vain to tug him somewhere. He could feel the vibrations of Caspian’s laughter where they were pressed chest to back, the King laughing at his sons actions. Tugging Rilian back in, Edmund finally found out, amidst tickles and giggles that Rilian wanted permission to help decorate the huge Christmas tree that had been brought in to the palace. Happily giving permission and crouching down to accept the enthusiastic hug and kiss from Rilian as a result, he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face as Caspian pulled him back up and spun him around into a proper embrace.  
  
“You look happy,” Caspian commented as he pulled back, having dropped a kiss onto Edmund’s lips.  
  
“I am happy. Why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
“I can’t help but wonder sometimes. You gave up so much to return to Narnia, to me. Sometimes I wonder if you regret it.”  
  
Edmund wrapped his arms more firmly around Caspian’s neck, not worried about the people scurrying around them; he and Caspian hadn’t been worried about public displays of affection since Edmund had arrived back in Narnia.  
  
“What do I have to regret?”  
  
“You left your family behind; your parents, brother and sisters. You will never see them again. I just,” Caspian shook his head in disbelief. “You left them all behind…”  
  
“For you. I left them behind for you. No, I won’t get to see them again but they understand why. Or at least Peter and Lucy do. Besides, I have a family here now; I have you and Rilian.” Edmund stretched up the necessary few inches so that he could look Caspian in the eye. “I may have left them behind but the last time I left Narnia, I left my heart behind.”  
  
Caspian’s gaze softened as Edmund blushed, releasing one of his arms that was wrapped around Edmund to brush his thumb across Edmund’s lips and flushed cheek. Despite the intimacy of the act, and all the promise of later that was clear in Caspian’s eyes, Edmund forged ahead.  
  
“Yes, I left my family behind but that doesn’t matter. My siblings have found a way to live their lives, to live without Narnia but I couldn’t. There was never any question about my returning to Narnia, to you. I never hesitated for a second. There is nowhere that I would rather be.”  
They had had this discussion before, mostly when Edmund had first arrived in Narnia, but it would appear that Caspian was going to need constant reminding and reassurance; something that Edmund was happy to provide. Edmund smiled as Caspian ignored Rilian’s cries for them to join them in favour of kissing him, Edmund responding without hesitation. When Caspian pulled back and moved towards Rilian, Edmund hung back and watched the scene in front of him.  
  
Dryads flitted around the cavernous great hall, hanging boughs of yew and pine and lighting the hundreds of tiny candles that dotted the huge Christmas tree in the corner. Beneath the branches lay a mound of presents for Rilian and, Edmund knew, more than a few for himself that were labelled with Caspian’s looping cursive. Last night, Edmund had extracted himself from Caspian’s vice-like grip to sneak downstairs and secrete his own presents to Caspian amongst innumerable others. A peal of laughter drew his attention, Rilian’s higher-pitched tone blending perfectly with Caspian’s. The sight of his husband and his son, because Rilian _was_ his son, brought a smile to Edmund’s face. _His_ husband, _his_ son.  
  
He was once again King Edmund the Just but, more importantly, he was King Edmund the Just, consort of King Caspian X the Seafarer and father to Rilian. He moved forward to help his family with decorating the tree, a smile on his face.  
  
His heart was whole once more.


End file.
